addicted

Addicted to comfort. Making my life as worryfree as possible, not taking any risks.

Searching the internet for solutions and I have them all in front of me, inside me. wtf I have to stop blaming outside forces for where I am in life. It's really not anyone else's fault.

what have I done

Painter, inside and out.
Repair autos, trucks, and equipment.
Paint some autos and equipment.
factory maintenance
4 yr degree in business

Fromm quote

Erich Fromm asserted this comes from non-affirming, or narcissistic parents:

The desire to receive everything one wants to obtain--love, protection, knowledge, material things--in a passive way from a source outside of oneself, develops in a child's character as a reaction to his experiences with others. If through these experiences the feeling of his own strength is weakened by fear, if his initiative and self-confidence are paralyzed, if hostility develops and is repressed, and if at the same time his father or his mother offers affection or care under the condition of surrender, such a constellation leads to an attitude in which active mastery is given up and all his energies are turned in the direction of an OUTSIDE SOURCE from which the fulfillment of all wishes will eventually come.

Escape from Freedom

Sort of typifies my life. I know rationally if I embrace this thinking it's a blame game thing. But I need to say it anyway.

I spent a fair amount of time trying to make people, my parents, happy. Or else completely ignoring them. Sort of like my mother's outlook on the family. So often bitching and moaning for no good end. I'm still flopping about..... barely attempting to sculpt my Self from the rest of the world.

Narcissistic, non-affirming. Yup just about like I am and have been. I sure enjoy looking and appreciating others and their work, but to serve, out of the blue ( or rather in normative conversation) a compliment, or praise without looking for a return? Nope, I haven't the habit.